why do i get bored in relationships

Have you ever sat down with your partner and realized how bored you were? Perhaps it’s only in certain moments, or perhaps it’s a fog that settled in over your relationship. You may feel like you’re the only one going through this, but it’s a fairly common situation in reality. After the passion and infatuation end, boredom creeps in.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I get bored in relationships,” then you need to keep reading. These 10 reasons, and how to fix a sense of boredom in a relationship, are sure to help you keep your relationship going strong.

Why Do I Get Bored in Relationships? 10 Reasons


1. Your Interests Change

People grow as they get older. Unfortunately, sometimes as you and your partner grow, you don’t go in the same direction, or at the same speed. Were you both partiers and now your partner is being too responsible and choosing to do hobbies that you find boring? Your and your partner’s changing interests could lead to one or both of you being bored.

2. Missing Communication

Poor communication also leads to boring relationships. It’s important to have conversations about what you want and need out of a relationship, as well as the situations that bother you. Being a good communicator also means being a good listener and hearing your partner when they talk. You need to be able to pick up what they are saying, as well as what they aren’t.

3. You’ve Given Up Too Much for the Relationship

Did you do a lot on your own or with friends when you were single? When you entered a relationship, a lot of that might have gone away while you were in the honeymoon phase. Now that the infatuation is dying down, it’s time to revisit your old hobbies and hang out with friends again. Taking time away from your partner makes the moments you spend with them that much better.

4. You Feel There’s Nothing New to Learn

Do you feel you know everything about your partner? You have heard all of their stories before, and how they’ll respond in any given situation. Your guesses are right so often that everything feels stale.

But if you truly stop to look at your partner, you’ll realize that isn’t true. Because people are always growing and changing, there’s always more to learn. One of the most brilliant parts about being with someone for a long time is that you get to watch them grow and change.

5. You’re Refusing to Be Vulnerable

Opening up in a new relationship, especially if you’ve had a string of bad ones in the past, isn’t easy. But when you stay shut down, you don’t get the sense of intimacy and bonding with your partner that you need to deepen a relationship. This means that it stays at the surface level, and gets stale very quickly.

6. No One’s Putting in Effort

Relationships need a lot of effort from both sides to work well. If you or your partner aren’t putting in enough effort, then the relationship can easily start to feel stale and cold. Though in stories the perfect relationship happens as if by magic, the truth is that consistent work is needed to keep a relationship alive.

7. You’re Not Making Time for Romance

Even if you’re spending all your time together, you might not be doing enough to keep the romance alive. It’s likely that you have started to take the relationship for granted and have stopped putting in effort. Your partner may have done the same. It might be time for a bit of a change.

8. You Have Some Unrealistic Expectations

Did you grow up watching romance movies or reading books where the love interest would give up the world for their partner? You may expect grand romantic gestures all the time. At first, you may even get them but over time, the big gestures go away. Also, for a relationship to work, you need to both put in effort and not solely your partner.

9. You’re Used to More Drama in Relationships

Drama in a relationship isn’t necessarily good, but it might be what you’re used to. This safe and healthy relationship, in comparison to some of your more chaotic past relationships, may feel tame in comparison. It’s hard to work through that feeling to realize that you associate drama with passion. However, it’s very important to do so.

10. Your Partner Isn’t Who You Want to Be With

Society has instilled in people that they need a partner to be whole. For many people, they enjoy having someone around, and end up with a person they love. Some people, though, are so scared of being alone that they will stay with someone even if they don’t care for them.

If you’re bored in a relationship, it may be a sign that this isn’t the person for you. Perhaps you need some time alone to find out more about yourself.

How to Fix It: 5 Tips

Fix It

Depending on what is causing your boredom, there are many ways to work on fixing your relationship. The fixes below are what you need to do first to grow and get better.

1. Figure Out The Main Problems

A good place to start is to determine if you’re actually bored. Many people associate boredom with a lack of spark or after the honeymoon phase ends.

What people consider boredom is really comfort and a sign of deep trust and intimacy. This is where you reach love instead of lust or infatuation. There are some questions you can ask yourself as well if you aren’t sure.

• Are there certain parts of the relationship that aren’t working? Can you identify the specific areas?
• Are you looking for complete novelty, or do you just want to change up a little in your day-to-day?
• Is there something specific you’d change about the relationship if you had a choice? Is this a big or a small thing? Is it something you could bring up with your partner to make the relationship better for both of you?
• When you’re with your partner, do you mostly feel at ease or restless? Can you identify the times you feel most restless?

These questions should help you get a better idea of what exactly in the relationship is causing problems and what you’re really feeling. From there, you’re better able to take steps to fix the problem.

2. Try Something New Together

If you want novelty, the best way to get it is to try something new. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t gotten around to it? Consider planning a time for you and your partner to go it together.

Even if you’re both busy or short on money, there are plenty of options that will work for you. Try and cook dinner together, take walks and talk, take a hike, or find a time to talk that doesn’t involve screens.

If you and your partner have very different hobbies, take the time to learn and try out your partner’s hobbies, and have them do the same with you. For example, if you aren’t much of a gamer, but they enjoy playing, try and play a game with your partner. Or, you can watch them play and ask questions so you know more about their hobby.

Some other things to do to increase novelty in a relationship include:

• Take a class or workshop together like a painting, cooking, or dance
• Try a new sport
• Volunteer
• Write each other letters
• Try a new TV show together
• Go on a trip together, even a weekend one

3. Communicate

It’s not easy to communicate all the time. Sometimes, you can’t get the words out right, you’re afraid of getting your feelings hurt, or you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings. Whatever the reason, if you can’t learn to communicate properly, then you’ll never be able to build your relationship up.

If you’re struggling, there are a few different methods you can try. There are several games out there made for partners to increase their relationships. Buy a couple of these or a simple deck of cards with questions to ask each other. Though it’s sometimes hard, try to be open and honest with one another to answer the questions to the best of your ability.

Another cute option is to recreate your favorite date. At first, this may not seem like a way to communicate, but you are offering information. You’re not only showing what your favorite moment of the relationship is but also opening up a bit. If you want, you can both also take the time to explain all you remember about that date, and even why it was your favorite.

4. Try Therapy

Often, people associate couple’s therapy with a last-ditch way to save a relationship. That’s because that is how many people use it. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Couple’s therapy can help you work through what is keeping you closed off from your partner.

It may also be a way to work on communication if you’re both struggling. And, of course, if you’re feeling bored and you don’t know why, they can help you with that. If you are scared to talk to your partner about your feelings of boredom, then you can always go to a therapist by yourself as well. That will enable you to talk freely.

A therapist can give you homework to try at home. If you both work hard at it, you’ll find a place in the relationship that works best for you. It takes some work, but as long as both sides are willing to put in the work, the pieces will come together eventually.

5. Do the Little Things to Keep the Relationship Alive

When you start taking the relationship for granted, you stop doing the little things that matter. There’s no flirting, no romantic dates, or moments that make you fall in love again. You won’t always have those big moments that feel like you stepped into a romance movie. However, there should be times when you appreciate and feel happy with the effort your partner put in.

Take time to flirt, compliment each other, and spend time together. Send a nice, romantic text, flowers, or even a surprise gift. Take your partner out for romantic dates, and let them do the same. These little gestures keep the romance alive.

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