Dreams come to us for many different reasons. The most common theory as to why people dream is because it gives them the chance to work over issues in their daily lives. Dreams may be abstract, or they may be very obvious.
Even if you’re dreaming about your ex, there may be another problem you’re working through. If you want to know 13 of the reasons you’re dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore, keep reading.
Why Do I Dream About an Ex That I Don’t Talk to Anymore? 13 Reasons
Have you started dreaming about an ex? It might feel like it came out of nowhere, but there is usually an underlying reason they start appearing in your dreams. It could be because you suddenly started to think about your ex, or it might be your subconscious trying to tell you something.
1. You Still Care About Them
It’s possible to care for someone, even if you no longer want a relationship with them. Perhaps you were friends before dating, or it was an amicable breakup. If you still care about their well-being or hope they are alright, you may dream of your ex on occasion when you’re wondering if they’re alright.
2. There Were Unresolved Emotions
If you have any unresolved emotions such as hurt, anger, guilt, or regret from your breakup, they may show themselves in the form of a dream. Dreams are a way for you to work through your emotions and thoughts. This is especially the case when you try and push away or deny these feelings. Dreams are often your subconscious trying to push you to solve a problem.
3. You’re Working to Change Yourself
A dream about your ex may symbolize that you’re ready to move on. You’re ready to leave your past self behind, shed your old life, and move forward. Even if you’re not ready to jump into a new relationship or make grand changes in your situation, you might be ready to start letting go.
4. You Saw or Heard About Your Ex Recently
Sometimes, the answer is rather simple. If someone mentioned your ex, or you ran into them while you were out, you may dream of them later. Sometimes seeing or hearing about someone is enough to bring them back out from the back of your mind, leading you to dream of them while you sleep.
5. You’re Afraid to Let Go
It’s not always easy to let go of past relationships, even if they were bad for you. That anger, sadness, and anxiety might be all you know. It’s hard to accept change, even if you know it’s for the best. Your dream of an ex you haven’t talked to in a long time might be your mind’s way of processing these fears.
6. Your Subconscious Is Connecting Negative Feelings
Did you have something negative happen the day before you dreamed of your ex? The subconscious tends to connect emotions.
So if you had a moment when someone yelled at you, and you had to suppress your own emotions to make them happy, it might remind your subconscious of a time you had to do that for your ex. The more you experienced those emotions or reactions with your ex, the more likely you’ll dream of them if a similar situation occurs.
7. You Saw Someone or Something That Reminded You of Your Ex
Sometimes, your subconscious needs a small trigger to think back to your ex. You might have seen someone that looks a lot like them, or maybe someone who wore the same clothes. Even someone with similar facial expressions, sayings, or piercings can be enough to create a connection and lead you to dream about them. It might not even be a person.
If you go back and watch a movie you watched together or they liked, it may lead you to think about your ex enough to dream of them. You might not even be aware that you’re thinking of them.
8. You Miss the Relationship
Maybe you miss the relationship. Even if you are the one who broke it off, or it was best to break up with them, there may be a part of you that missed it. You may find yourself missing them because of the good days. Maybe you miss who they were early in the relationship. Even if you acknowledge that the breakup was needed, that doesn’t mean all of the relationship was bad.
9. Your Ex Is Thinking About You
There are some theories that dreams come from an outside source. It’s said that if you dream about someone, especially more than once, it may be a sign that they think of you. So you may be dreaming of your ex because they miss you. Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to tell whether you’re bringing up your ex in your mind yourself, or if your ex is putting themselves into your dreams.
10. You’re Working Through Your Trauma
Dreaming about your ex may be a good sign. You might have needed time to process the trauma if it was a rough breakup. If you’ve started to dream about an ex you broke up with a long time ago, the dream may be a signal from your subconscious that you’re ready to start processing the situation and are ready to resolve any issues that your breakup created.
11. You’re Lonely
If you were with your ex for a long time, it can feel lonely to have a place to yourself. At first, it’s exciting to get to do the things you want to do, whenever you want to. After a while though, the emptiness and silence take their toll. Dreaming about an ex might be your way of feeling a little less lonely at night.
12. A Change in Your Current Relationship
Are you finding yourself comparing your current partner to your ex without meaning to? The constant comparisons may be what’s causing your dreams. You may be seeing similarities between your ex and current partner. There could even be parts of your previous relationships that you miss.
13. A New Relationship Is Making You Nervous
Are you starting a new relationship? Whether you’re starting a new chapter in your life, or you’re just thinking about it, past experiences can hold you back. You’re likely scared of a situation you went through with your ex happening again. That fear can hold you back and lead you to dream about an ex you haven’t talked to in years. It’s your mind’s way of protecting you, but it can cause problems.
How to Stop Dreaming About an Ex That You Don’t Talk to Anymore: 7 Tips
If you’re dreaming about an ex that you don’t talk to anymore every night, you likely want it to stop. Having them constantly in your thoughts leads to negative emotions and distractions in your daily life. Getting them out of your dreams, though, takes a little work.
1. Start Journaling
Journaling offers a way to process your emotions, especially if you have no one to talk to about the feelings and thoughts swirling around your brain. Spend some time thinking about unresolved issues, questions you might want to ask your ex, and even what you’d like to say to them if you come across them again. This allows you to work through your emotions and any unhealed trauma without having to worry about bothering someone else or being made fun of.
2. Focus on Goals
The best way to pull yourself out of a spiral is to focus on your goals. Instead of shining a spotlight on the negatives and the past, concentrate on your future. Create a plan and make a schedule. When you’re busy moving forward, you don’t have time to focus on the things dragging you back. These goals can be about anything. Make a goal to improve your social life, get your dream job, or find a new relationship.
3. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Denying your feelings is only going to make you think of your ex even more. So acknowledge your feelings. It’s alright to feel angry, sad, guilty, regretful, or even happy about your relationship ending. Work through your emotions and what made you feel that way while you’re awake, and you won’t have to dream to get it done.
4. Clear Your Mind Before Bed
If you think about your ex or your relationship before bed, you’re more likely to dream about them. The best way to get better sleep and have more pleasant dreams is to make sure your mind is empty before bed. Mindfulness and meditation are both good practices to get into if you want to clear your mind and focus on peaceful thoughts before falling asleep.
5. Think of Something Else Before Bed
If you can’t empty your mind, consider focusing on something different before bed. Distract yourself until you’re too tired to stay awake. Try to stay away from phones and mindless scrolling, but reading a book or watching an entertaining movie is a great way to focus on something else before bed. If they’re interesting enough, you may find yourself dreaming about a part of the story, rather than an ex.
6. Talk to Someone
Opening up to someone may help you. Not only do you get the chance to vent, but they may be able to help you through some areas or thoughts you’re stuck on. A friend or family member works, but if you want professional help, or don’t feel comfortable opening up to those around you, a therapist is worth a shot.
7. Reach Out for a Resolution
You may not talk to your ex anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them. Consider reaching out. Perhaps enough time has passed that you can have a conversation about what happened. Both of you can use this time to acknowledge your mistakes in the relationship or ask questions that have been bothering you since the break-up.
